Dear Kim,
I’m widowed, 63 years old, and have two adult sons, ages 36 and 33. They are each married and have full-time jobs. One of my sons, however, has a child who has major medical issues, and the cost of special services not covered under insurance is more than they can afford. Fortunately, I can afford to help, and I want to offer to help pay for some of the treatments. My other son doesn’t have any children, and he has expressed concern that any help I provide would be coming out of their joint inheritance. What advice do you have on how I can best handle this so I can help my grandchild and keep peace in the family?
Sincerely,
Helping Without Hurting
Dear Helping Without Hurting,
That is a difficult situation, and I understand your desire to help with your grandchild’s medical costs. There are some different approaches to this that you could consider.
The first consideration is how much of your assets you need to protect for your own future use. I have seen clients give to their children to the point that they had nothing left for themselves.
So, make sure you keep enough for yourself.
Then, one approach would be to loosely divide your estate (on paper) into halves and limit your contributions to your grandchild to half of those assets. That would preserve the other son’s half.
Another approach might be to give to your grandchild what is needed to assist, and your children will divide whatever is left. That might not make your other son happy, but at the end of the day, it is your money and you can do with it whatever you want to. That conversation with your son might not be an easy one, but he is an adult and should be able to accept your decision.
Navigating family dynamics can be tricky, and every family is different. Some of my clients never have any conversations about money, and some share everything. Neither approach is right or wrong; you just have to decide what is best for your family.
I hope your grandchild improves, and bless you for your willingness to help. Like this comment plan for your future as a single person. I wish you the best of luck.
Kim
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