Dear Kim,
As I write this message we’re still in January, but 2024 is already proving to be the hardest year yet for me. For reasons I would prefer not to get into, I’ve asked my husband for a divorce. It was the hardest decision of my life, but I feel as if it was the right one.
To my knowledge, I am the first in my family to get a divorce, so everyone is taking it hard (harder than I even expected), so I can’t turn to my parents or siblings for advice right now.
I have no idea how the process works when it comes to separating assets and incomes. I’m a school teacher and my husband makes quite a bit more money than I do. I don’t want a penny of it, but when it comes to things like the house and our shared accounts I want to be educated on what I have rights to so that I am not fooled out of what is mine.
I’m just looking for some grace and answers so that then at least a little bit of the stress and pressure I am under becomes the slightest bit lighter.
Sincerely,
Negotiating Financials Post-Divorce
Dear Negotiating,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. January is typically when I see a lot of people pulling the trigger on a divorce. They wanted to get through the holidays first. The position of not wanting anything is also one I see a lot, but the fact that the decisions you make now will impact your future financial well-being causes me to ask you to pause, take a breath, and reconsider.
Begin by making a list of all the family assets and debts… all of them. Include the ones owned by you, such as your retirement accounts, the ones owned by your husband, and the ones owned jointly. Find out how much equity is in your home and begin to think about your desire to stay in the home or start over somewhere else. Once you have the list of assets and debts, you can begin to think rationally about the best way to divide those assets between the two of you. Think about your ability to support yourself on just your income or if you will need some assistance in the form of alimony, or training for a career that will pay better.
I recommend you sit down with a financial advisor to discuss your options and help you find an equitable division of assets. And know, there is life after divorce. If you make good choices now, it will make your stress less going forward as you begin your new life as a single woman.
Sincerely,
Kim
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