Dear Kim,
I found you through Facebook. I grew up in a very old-fashioned family, where my father handled the finances while my mother watched us children and tended to the house.
In my marriage, many of the same patterns have repeated. I’m happy, but I want to be more financially independent. I’ve heard too many horror stories from other mothers at PTA meetings and class parties of being blindsided, whether by life or by their partner.
While I hope that won’t happen to me, it made me realize that I am in the dark when it comes to the finances in my house.
I’m a stay-at-home mother, but I’m capable of some freelance work on the side now that the kids are a little older. I typically hand my payments over to my husband who keeps his eyes on our accounts. I’ve always had money for necessities and little shopping trips, so this has never been an issue.
But now, I want to be more independent. Or at the very least, more knowledgeable about this sort of thing. I don’t want to be blindsided or feel lost if anything were to ever happen to my husband.
I believe my husband will be fine with this development, but I don’t even know how I would bring it up. What are some ways I can broach the conversation with him? Are there classes I can attend? Where would you start if you were in my shoes?
Sincerely,
Preparing To Take The Next Step
Dear Preparing
Congratulations on wanting to become more informed and involved. That is certainly the first step. The next step would be to have a honest and gentle conversation with your husband explaining how you feel and why you would like to become more involved.
I would give him examples of women you know that have been blindsided when something unexpected happened with their spouse. I’ve seen many women be left with no idea where their money was or how it was being managed. Sit down with him and ask him to show you where all your accounts are and how to access them. I believe family finances should be managed together, with each partner having input. He may be relieved to have you involved. It will take some of the burden off him.
Once you know where the accounts are and have an understanding of how they are being managed, begin educating yourself on all things financial. There are a vast number of resources you can access to help you, from online courses to books to webinars and podcasts.
If you have a few friends that would also like to become more financially savvy, I offer a six-session course that covers all the areas of personal finance in a non-threatening manner. Women learn best when in a community of other women. If you would be interested in learning more about the course, please reach out to me.
I wish you the best in your pursuit of a better understanding of your personal finances.
Sincerely,
Kim
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