Dear Kim,
I recently lost my husband to a long cancer struggle, and amidst the emotional turmoil, I’m struggling to manage our estate and financial plans. We had shared financial goals and responsibilities, and now I find myself uncertain about how to proceed alone.
My kids – all adults – have told me more than once that I’m not making decisions the same way that their father would have and that I shouldn’t change anything. I really don’t think they understand that I do want to preserve their father’s legacy but my circumstances have changed drastically.
How can I make informed decisions during this difficult time and not overlook any critical financial considerations – and help my well-meaning family understand?
Thanks,
Uncertain & Grieving
Dear Uncertain & Grieving,
Dealing with the loss of a spouse is a big deal on several levels. You have lost your closest friend, companion and confidant. As well, now you must navigate your financial waters by yourself. Where once, you made joint decisions, now you are making those decisions on your own. And on top of that, you have lost income, but your expenses haven’t been cut in half. That’s a lot to take on all at once.
I generally recommend not making any large decisions for at least 6 months, except for those necessitated by the death of your husband. You have to pay for funeral expenses, file for life insurance and all those immediate issues. Don’t move investments around, change advisors, or sell your home unless absolutely necessary. Your brain isn’t working 100% right now, and it’s best to allow some time to work through some of the grief of losing your spouse.
As for your family, having a focused conversation with them may help. Explain that you are taking time to get a true handle on the situation before you make any large changes. Acknowledge that you know they want the best for you (hopefully) and that you are working to make the best long term decisions, but that right now, you also need time to grieve.
You can also explain to them that your situation is different with their father gone, and decisions made in the past may not work for you as a single person.
Wishing you well during this time of change,
Kim
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